Kuba Pudding Jr., a silverback gorilla whose fur was perpetually dusted with the faint aroma of banana pudding (a family trait, apparently), wasn’t your average jungle dweller. While his booming chest thumps could rattle the leaves off nearby trees (and once triggered a minor landslide that buried a particularly annoying troupe of monkeys), Kuba was a true Renaissance ape: entrepreneur, philosopher, and online advice guru, though he still struggled with autocorrect, often turning profound pronouncements into gibberish about “banana pudding recipes” and “inflatable pool toys.”
Born in the steamy, vine-tangled rainforests of Central Africa, Kuba wasn’t like the other gorillas. While they were perfecting their synchronized grooming routines and bickering over the choicest termites, Kuba was fascinated by the strange human flotsam that washed up near their territory. He once spent a week trying to decipher the instructions on a Rubik’s Cube (he eventually solved it by smashing it with a rock and rearranging the colored squares). Through sheer ape-like tenacity (and a surprising knack for pattern recognition), he taught himself to read, write, and even navigate the chaotic realm of the internet using a salvaged tablet powered by a hamster wheel and a very determined hamster named Mr. Nibbles.
Recognizing the potential of discarded human technology (and the sheer volume of perfectly good packing peanuts), Kuba founded “Pudding Industries” (he briefly considered “Kuba’s Kabana,” but his marketing team, a trio of particularly sassy parrots, vetoed it), a recycling and upcycling enterprise run with the chaotic energy of a primate-powered circus. They transformed old flip-flops into fashionable tree swings, plastic bottles into surprisingly effective rain catchers, and once even built a working espresso machine out of spare parts from a broken lawnmower (the results were… caffeinated).
But Kuba’s true calling emerged when he stumbled upon the online world. He was appalled by the sheer volume of people asking questions like “Why is there air?” and “Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas to a wedding?” Recognizing a desperate need for some serious simian sagacity, he launched his online advice column, “Ask Kuba,” under the nom de plume “The Pudding Prof” (a name he chose because it sounded “sophisticated,” even though he had no idea what a “prof” actually was).
Kuba’s advice, delivered with the unflinching honesty of a gorilla who wasn’t afraid to tell it like it is (especially if “it” involved bad banana etiquette), quickly amassed a devoted following. He dispensed wisdom like “If a vine looks rotten, don’t swing on it. This also applies to online dating profiles” and “Sometimes, the best solution is to eat a banana. It solves approximately 47% of all problems, give or take.” His use of GIFs of himself doing a celebratory “pudding dance” (a jig involving much jiggling of his considerable belly) became an online sensation.
He hosted live Q&A sessions where he’d often get sidetracked by the sudden urge to build elaborate sandcastles (indoors, using sugar). He even launched a podcast, “Jungle Jams,” where he interviewed other animals (mostly fruit bats and toucans, who had surprisingly strong opinions on the latest jungle gossip).
Despite his online fame, Kuba remains endearingly down-to-earth (mostly). He still lives with his troop, reminding them to recycle and occasionally confiscating their selfie sticks when they get too obsessed with social media. Kuba Pudding Jr. is living proof that even a gorilla with a penchant for pudding, a questionable grasp of technology, and a tendency to get distracted by shiny objects can become a beacon of wisdom in the digital age. And he’s pretty sure he’s almost figured out how to use emojis… almost 
.